Are you in the midst of getting over your break up? Does it hurt so bad at times that you think your heart’s going to literally split into two parts? One minute you’re longing to see the other person and then the next minute you want to eat them alive? This is all a part of the process when you’re getting over your break up.
Just like there are stages you go through when you’re grieving the loss of someone or something, there are steps to take to help your recover from your break up. In another article, I read about a woman whose first husband died. She remarried and that marriage ended in divorce. She said it was easier for her to recover from the death than the divorce. Society has more support arenas for the loss of a spouse by way of death, while those who have been through a divorce are expected to manage on their own.
Step 1 – Write a long letter to your ex.
Get a piece of paper or type it on the computer. Pour out your heart. Talk about the good experiences and the bad ones. Put everything on paper that you wish you’d said to him – good and bad. If you thought he was a jerk for driving your car and not washing it or putting gas in it, let him know. Also include the times when he made you feel special. Tell him how much you loved him and wanted your future to include each other. It’s alright to pen all of these feelings because they’ll help you. Don’t mail it to him, burn it! Let all of your hurt and pain go up in smoke with the letter. This simple step will start your surely on your road to emotional recovery.
Step 2 – Arrange a ‘stuff’ exchange
Most likely you still have things that belong to your ex and he probably has some of your things as well. Communicate with your ex to arrange a time to exchange these items. Don’t do this with any anger or guile. Nicely ask them when the two of you can get together to do the exchange.
If this is not possible, box up your ex’s things and put them away. If there are small items, like toothbrushes or combs, toss them. Don’t leave your ex’s stuff around your place. They’ll just be a constant reminder to you and will inhibit your process of recovery.
You might also seriously consider boxing up any gifts your ex gave you. When getting over your break up, you want as few reminders of them around you as possible. Take off any jewelry they bought. Quit sleeping with the Valentine’s Day bear they bought you. Don’t use the personalized coffee mug anymore. These things will help you in getting over your break up.
This may be a tough one, but work out any unresolved financial matters with your ex as quickly as possible. If you owe your ex money, do whatever you need to do to get the money repaid, even if you have to take out another loan. If you have joint accounts, split the money up in the appropriate manner and then close the account.
Are you seeing the pattern I’m suggesting for closing off the parts of your life where your ex was involved? Blocking these avenues is essential to getting over your breakup.
Step 3 – Cease communication
Now that you’ve written the letter (and burned it) and exchanged your stuff, you need to agree to cut off all contact and communication for thirty days. Doing this will give you the opportunity to begin building separate lives. During this time, you shouldn’t call, text, email or purposely see the other person. You might even want to agree not to frequent certain establishments like bars, clubs, or even church during this window. One of you may be able to go to the place, but it’s off limits for the other person during this month long separation period.
While you’re on the hiatus, take time to live your life apart from your ex. You can assess whether it’s in your best interest to continue life without your ex or to seek to win them back. After the month has passed, you can begin to interact once again. Most likely you’ll have some re-defined criteria for your relationship.
This time can be difficult, but it’s imperative that you give yourself the space you need in order to go through the process of getting over your ex.
